Showing posts with label jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label jokes. Show all posts
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Self-Appraisal (Nice story)
A little boy went into a drug store, reached for a soda carton and pulled it over to the telephone. He climbed onto the carton so that he could reach the buttons on the phone and proceeded to punch in ten-digits (phone numbers).
The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation:
Boy: 'Lady, Can you give me the job of cutting your lawn?
Woman: (at the other end of the phone line): 'I already have someone to cut my lawn.'
Boy: 'Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price of the person who cuts your lawn now.'
Woman: I'm very satisfied with the person who is presently cutting my lawn.
Boy: (with more perseverance): 'I'll even sweepyour curb and your sidewalk, so on Sunday you will have the prettiest lawn in all of Palm beach, Florida.'
Woman: No, thank you.
With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver.
The store-owner, who was listening to all this, walked over to the boy.
Store Owner: 'Son... I like your attitude; I like that positive spirit and would like to offer you a job.'
Boy: 'No thanks'.
Store Owner: But you were really pleading for one.
Boy: No Sir, I was just checking my performance at the job I already have. I am the one who is working for that lady, I was talking to!'
This is what we call 'Self Appraisal' ...
The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation:
Boy: 'Lady, Can you give me the job of cutting your lawn?
Woman: (at the other end of the phone line): 'I already have someone to cut my lawn.'
Boy: 'Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price of the person who cuts your lawn now.'
Woman: I'm very satisfied with the person who is presently cutting my lawn.
Boy: (with more perseverance): 'I'll even sweepyour curb and your sidewalk, so on Sunday you will have the prettiest lawn in all of Palm beach, Florida.'
Woman: No, thank you.
With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver.
The store-owner, who was listening to all this, walked over to the boy.
Store Owner: 'Son... I like your attitude; I like that positive spirit and would like to offer you a job.'
Boy: 'No thanks'.
Store Owner: But you were really pleading for one.
Boy: No Sir, I was just checking my performance at the job I already have. I am the one who is working for that lady, I was talking to!'
This is what we call 'Self Appraisal' ...
SANTA-BANTA Jokes
Santa bought a new mobile.
He called everyone from his Phone Book & said "My Mobile No. has changed.
Earlier it was Nokia 3310 Now it is 6610."
Santa : I am a Proud Santa, My son is in Medical College.
Banta : Really, what is he studying?
Santa : No he is not studying, they are Studying him.
Santa: What is Common between Krishna, Ram, Gandhiji & Jesus?
Banta: All are Born on Government Holidays.
Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write for mother tongue?
Banta: Very long!
Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai & jumps into the well.
Santa: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi?
Banta was caught for speeding and went before the judge.
The judge: What will you take 30 days or Rs.3000?
Banta: I think I'll take the money.
Santa: My dad was an extremely brave man. He once entered a lion's cage.
Banta: He probably might have got a lot of applause when he came out.
Santa: He never came out of the cage!
Santa found answer to the most difficult question ever
What comes first the chicken or the egg?
O yaar, jiska order pehle doge, vo ayega!
Teacher to Banta: Where were you born?
Banta : In Tiruvanantapuram.
Teacher : Spell it?
Banta : (after thinking) I think I was born in GOA.
Santa : People consider me as a GOD
Banta : How do you know??
Santa : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD! You have came again.
Santa complained to Police : Sir all items are missing, except the TV in my house.
Police : Why did the thief not take the TV?
Santa : I was watching the TV.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
School Joke
A first-grade teacher, Ms Neelam (Age 28) was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked,"Boy, what is your problem?"
Boy answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"
Ms Neelam had enough. She took Boy. to the principal's office. While Boy. waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Neelam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.She agreed.
Boy. was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Boy.: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Boy.: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at Ms Neelam and tells her, "I think Boy can go to the third-grade."
Ms Neelam says to the principal, "I have some of my own questions.
Can I ask him ?" The principal and Boy both agreed.
Ms Neelam asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?
Boy., after a moment "Legs."
Ms Nee lam: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
Boy.: "Pockets."
Ms Neelam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Boy.: Coconut
Ms Neelam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky? The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy. was taking charge.
Boy.: Bubblegum
Ms Neelam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs? The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...
Boy.: Shake hands
Ms Neelam: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?
Boy.: Yep.
Ms Neelam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
Boy.: Tent
Ms Neelam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.
Boy.: Wedding Ring
Ms Neelam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Boy.: Nose
Ms Neelam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Boy.: Arrow
Ms Neelam: What word sta rts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?
Boy.: Firetruck
Ms Neelam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u dont get it u have to use ur hand.
Boy.: Fork
Ms Neelam: What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?
Boy.: SURNAME
Ms Neelam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?
Boy.: HEART.
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher,
"Send this Boy to IIM Ahmedabad, even I got the last ten questions wrong myself!! "
:-) :-) :-)
Boy answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"
Ms Neelam had enough. She took Boy. to the principal's office. While Boy. waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Neelam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.She agreed.
Boy. was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Boy.: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Boy.: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at Ms Neelam and tells her, "I think Boy can go to the third-grade."
Ms Neelam says to the principal, "I have some of my own questions.
Can I ask him ?" The principal and Boy both agreed.
Ms Neelam asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?
Boy., after a moment "Legs."
Ms Nee lam: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
Boy.: "Pockets."
Ms Neelam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Boy.: Coconut
Ms Neelam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky? The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy. was taking charge.
Boy.: Bubblegum
Ms Neelam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs? The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...
Boy.: Shake hands
Ms Neelam: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?
Boy.: Yep.
Ms Neelam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
Boy.: Tent
Ms Neelam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.
Boy.: Wedding Ring
Ms Neelam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Boy.: Nose
Ms Neelam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Boy.: Arrow
Ms Neelam: What word sta rts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?
Boy.: Firetruck
Ms Neelam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u dont get it u have to use ur hand.
Boy.: Fork
Ms Neelam: What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?
Boy.: SURNAME
Ms Neelam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?
Boy.: HEART.
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher,
"Send this Boy to IIM Ahmedabad, even I got the last ten questions wrong myself!! "
:-) :-) :-)
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